Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Tie That Binds Us?


I am sure we have all heard the story about the NY mother, who kicked her 10 and 12 year old daughters out of the car for fighting. And I am sure that some of you reading this have either had those same thoughts or threatened to do the same thing. I came across a very interesting article today on the internet that I wanted to share. Now, I don't have any personal experience as a mother yet (I'm sure my day is coming), but I do have plenty as a younger sister. This is the article: http://www.newsweek.com/id/194933?gt1=43002. As I was reading this article, I began to think about how I will react one day one Cooper and Sara are really old enough to fight and bicker. "That fighting is normal between creatures who live together. We bump up against our worst and best selves in the confines of our families. Arguing with siblings or cousins is how we learn to negotiate with the world." First, children learn to fight physically and it is usually over the silliest things. Cooper has been known to push Sara over because she was looking at one of his books. It is our jobs as parents to teach them how to use their words. And hopefully, that means less cruel words. I know with Cooper being such a talker all of a sudden, Bryce and I are very careful with the words we do use around both kids. Unfortunately though, fighting is one of those things that we as parents have to let our children figure out. How many young girls get married thinking that life is going to be blissfully happy and then they have their first fight with their new husband. "You don't really see who someone is until you have your very first fight." How true this is. So, what do we as parents do to try to get our children to not fight as often? Do we buy them more toys? Do we jump at their every command? "But in general, I wonder how we will learn to know each other if our kids grow up isolated by headphones in their own individual electronic worlds. It's one thing for teenagers, who are going through the natural separation process to tune out, but it's another thing for 10 year-olds to think that disengaging is the answer to conflict. Maybe part of the answer is to try and make peace with the fighting and not judge the kids or ourselves so harshly. That annoying bickering is a tie that binds us."


So, now my question is this. Do you think this mother, who made her bickering daughters get out of the car 3 miles from their home, should have been arrested? Should she have to spend time in jail? I didn't realize, until reading this article that she was actually a lawyer and they lived in a home that was worth $2 million. I don't think that this is something that she does frequently and I don't know if it is something that I would ever do, but I could see how 2 bickering kids that don't listen could totally drive a mother to do something like that.

4 comments:

VICKI IN AZ said...

Thanks for stopping by you probably know how much that meant to me!!

Um yeah I will be reading that article!

I have teenagers... I really liked so much of what you said.

I love that part they are the ties that bind.

I have let my kids out to walk.

Mishelle Noyes said...

Last night on the way home from our friends house the boys were fighting so i made them get out and walk home it was only 1/2 a mile but it gave them time to think about why they were walking home. By the time they got home they had forgotten why they had been fighting and they were best friends again. they are 9 and 8. 50 years ago they would have had to walk 3 miles from school to make it home it's just convienence of a car that makes it look worse than it is!

Cox Family News said...

I can't tell you how many times we had to pull over and threaten all kinds of things to get the kids to stop fighting. One time Kevin jumped out and Ed would have left him but I wouldn't let him. Its frustrating for parents. The good thing is they really do love each other and eventually become best friends.
Aunt Lorrie

Larsen's said...

Thanks for checking out my blog! I love company. It is nice to know that some people look at it.
My kids are 6 and under and they fight now. I sometimes feel like throwing them out of the car. I can't even imagine what they will be like as teenagers.